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Joke of the Day

"""Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!"" - literally no one ever"

"Cigarettes are just like hamsters. They're perfectly harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire."

"Spent the day removing $550,000,000 worth of stuff from my Amazon shopping cart."

"Man walks into a bar... Ouch that hurt. Man walks under a bar... LIMBO CHAMPION!"

"What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose? A radical mooselamb"

"Why were the ancient Greeks considered so brave on the battlefield? They didn't want to leave their brothers behind."

"what did little billy get when he stumbled upon r/twoxchromosome? Cancer."

"People who like being photographed in natural light.. ..should be taken outside and shot."

"The down arrow key on my laptop isn't functional. IT asked me if they should call the on-site repair guy to come in today... I told them it wasn't pressing."

"Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb? A: It takes two. One to change the bulb and the other to kick the switch."