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Joke of the Day
"in mexico, we don't say ""I love you"" cause we dont speak english."
Next Joke
"Mom asked about a stock she's owned for 20yrs called Amazon & I've mostly been telling her I love her & reminding her my brother never calls"
"Fortune teller said my boss would suffer a deadly accident. But, I already knew that. I needed to know if the police would figure it out."
"Do Russia and Uganda realize if they put all their gay people in jail then jail will become the nicest part of their country?"
"Says I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid."
"Company suspends sponsorship deal with Sharapova after she failed drug test To protect Volkswagen's excellent brand image. They can't affiliate with people who might have cheated."
"If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?"
"Did you hear about the vampire comedian? He went straight for the jocular every time"
"5 MINUTES & NO LIKES'? Well then... *deletes status*"
"[hitting on hot babe in bar] "".. You're 28? NO WAY! I used to be 28! This is spooky. You like oxygen? OMG you're not gonna believe this.."""