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Joke of the Day

"A pen and a pencil race. Who won? The Pencil. He lead from start to finish."

"It turns out I have my shirt on backwards and I'm wearing two different socks. I apologize for being so flamboyant with my heterosexuality."

"You only live once. Make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet daily, desperately seeking validation from strangers."

"Who was the first mathematician? A concave man"

"Bad news... Apparently ""bouncing baby boy"" is just an idiom."

"Magicians in The Future ""I need a volunteer. Hmm... Yes, you! The attack helicopter in the red shirt!"""

"Oh, you're talking to me again. Did you just break up with your boyfriend?"

"A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her."

"Tip for twitter newbies: Before you start using twitter, please make sure this is really what you want to do with the rest of your life."

"What do you call Oprah on drugs? Doprah"