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Joke of the Day

"They should make a tabletop game about space marines saving for retirement Call it Warhammer 401k"

"Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes."

"When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?' is unwise, apparently."

"Please help reconstruct this joke ... The punchline is ""Well, there's cus-turd, and there's mus-turd, and there's you, ya big shit! Run, Myrtle, run!"""

"Wear jeans every day and nobody cares. Wear a shirt twice in a row and you're suddenly homeless in the eyes of everyone."

"TRUMP: Let's get that Muslim Band going ""Band? We thought you said ban"" TRUMP: No way, that's harsh. Also, how's that Mexican mall coming?"

"My mom is the most hip and tech savvy person I know! She needs every possible search toolbar conceivable so the internet can keep up with her!"

"Where is the lift? American: You mean the elevator? English: Yes, we call it a lift. American: It's called an elevator. We invented it. English: And we invented the language."

"F.Y.I. ~~ hand jobs from girls who speak sign language....do in fact, count as blow jobs"

"I stepped on an ant hill today and realized I had probably killed a lot of innocent ants. I also killed all the ant rapists so, I'm a hero."