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Joke of the Day

"I just discovered a subreddit called /r/abs Turns out it wasn't about arabic culture."

"Despite the contradictory advice circulated in the late '90s, if you wanna be my lover, please do not get with my friends."

"A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine... How do you feel?"" Asks the fluoride ion. ""Positively shell shocked"" the sodium ion replied."

"My necrophiliac girlfriend told me I was dead to her. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"The next time I hang out with people who start making out in front of me, I'm going to start flossing my teeth in front of them."

"Did you hear about the transformer who lost his ability to change into a seven-sided shape? He's a de-septagon."

"Why was the smurf's hat blue? Cus it was sad."

"Before you cannibalize your roommate due to cabin fever, remember that you cannot afford the rent alone. #blizzard2016"

"Oh for goodness sake, if abortion was really the same as murdering babies nobody would favour it. Isn't it OBVIOUS you're missing the point?"

"A lethal injection that takes two hours has no place in a civilized society. And it shouldn't happen in Arizona either."