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Joke of the Day
"When bae starts to age... She turns beige."
Next Joke
"Real Estate Agent: Do you want to look at the model homes? Me: I'm flattered you think I'm a model but I'll just look at the regular homes"
"I just read on the news that 10 Paralympics athletes have failed a drugs test They all tested positive for WD40"
"I don't smoke, so I take ""screaming"" breaks at work."
"I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked... Not sure what scared him more; my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived."
"todd: *sobbing uncontrollably* me: relax it was just a little earthquake todd's wife: he's an etch-sketch artist. it was everything he had"
"Cam Newton has been fitted with a GoPro strapped to his leg for the Super Bowl, sponsored by a canned meat company. It's called the Spam Cam Newton Gam Cam"
"Why Do Farts Smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too!"
"My friend said they didn't want to die abroad... But I thought they already were one?"
"Sorry about my two week Twitter hiatus, I was trying to find the end of the plastic wrap."