66482

Joke of the Day

"Real Estate Agent: Do you want to look at the model homes? Me: I'm flattered you think I'm a model but I'll just look at the regular homes"

"Which type of juice has the most mood swings? Caprice Sun. [OC]"

"What do you get when you divide (Sin B) by (Tan B)? You get roofies, cuffs and a sore butthole"

"I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time."

"What's white and kills you if it gets in your eye? an aeroplane"

"I once asked a friend what he would do if the world was going to end. He told me he would fuck anything that moves. He then asked me the same question. I told him I'd stand very very still."

"camouflage training Drill Sergeant: ""I DID NOT SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING THIS MORNING CORPORAL!!!!"" Corporal: ""Thank you sir."""

"Love it how music can take you to another place . For example, One direction is playing in this restaurant so i'm going to a different one."

"How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw it in, one to call the media and publicize and one to blame the Democrats on the electric bill."

"I've made the front page 5 times! The girls on /r/creepyPMs are really mean and don't understand the P means Private."