230430

Joke of the Day

"Coconut oil on my dry skin this winter has made me attractive to women. Problem is the chocolate from the Mounds bars is ruining my clothes."

"*pulls home cooked meal out of oven* *family awkwardly stares at me* Yup, this is definitely not my house."

"YO MAMA SO STUPID WHEN THEY SAID THAT IT IS CHILLY OUTSIDESHE WENT OUTSIDE WITH A BOWL AND A SPOON."

"One guy trained how to kiss using kiwi So he wasn't confused by neat mustache that Mary had."

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might me a little to get hard, I just got laid by some chick. EDIT: ""take me a little while"""

"The best way to show someone you hate them is to serve them food without cheese on it."

"Everything I need to know about whether or not cops are allowed to search my car I learned from Jay-Z songs."

"Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway and Sweden? It ends at the Finnish line."

"How do you call a puzzled amputee? Stumped."

"Statistically if driving a stake through the heart kills vampires, we're all vampires."