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Joke of the Day

"Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear ? Because they have electric 'eels !"

"How To Lose 250 pounds of ugly fat in one day Get a divorce."

"Why do pessimists always think it's the weekend? Because every day is a sadder-day."

"Why was the powerful Jedi a terrible comedian? Too *forced*, his punchlines were"

"""I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty"" It's fall?? ""Ya, so what?"" [leaves start attacking everyone] OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED"

"People say that it's unethical to eat meat But I feel good every time I eat bacon and remember that I've taken a pig that was living a squalid and miserable life and sent it to heaven."

"Shout out to all the frozen desserts out there. Step to me with a dessert that ain't frozen and I'll snap your damn face off"

"Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned."

"I don't get why I have to wash my hands after masterbating. It's not like my dick's been anywhere. Edit: yeah I suck at spelling. And it's supposed to mean I never have sex"

"my dad asked me if I have an organ donor card. i guess he really is a man after my own heart."