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Joke of the Day

"One time a girl told me to take off her shirt and I was like wow ok it doesn't really fit me anyway."

"The door is not ajar. It's a door, silly!"

"Cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 The look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless"

"Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony."

"Homeless people's dogs must think, ""Damn, this is the longest walk ever!"""

"Bar joke A monk, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender says ""what is this? Some kind of joke?"""

"How did the Mexicans get across the border? They went through Juan by Juan. ^Forgive ^me."

"I went to specsavers the other day.. ...guess who I bumped into? Everyone!"

"You had me at- well, you're breathing and female. That's about the point you had me."

"When is the only time when No shirt no shorts no shoes gets you service? If you're a surfer and you're getting head."