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Joke of the Day

"Her: Prove that you care about me Me: *Takes my phone off the charger and plugs in hers"

"Why is the universe feminine in nature? Because it's made up of galaxies."

"I bought a muzzle for my pet duck.... Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill."

"What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane? Ground beef"

"Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America?? Because Freedom rings! Happy Birthday U.S!"

"Unfortunately Katy Perry, I couldn't fit in the skin tight jeans so instead of a teenage dream my husband gets Blair Witch."

"Note to self: in future, put stripper in novelty oversized cake AFTER baking."

"A man worked at an orange juice factory, but he was canned because he couldn't concentrate."

"I just did 50 crunches in an hour... the wrappers are everywhere."

"Dear Santa, Please send gift cards. Your taste has gotten significantly worse in recent years."