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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes it's fun to randomly shout, ""Hey, asshole!"" in a crowd, just to see who turns around."

"I'm the first base coach for my son's baseball team tonight and boy it's really awkward teaching 7 year olds about kissing."

"I never wanted to hug someone as badly as the little old man who just ordered a ""small coffee flavored coffee"" in Starbucks."

"What do you call a funny baked good? a pun"

"I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish."

"Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze."

"[iphone vibrates] 3yo: daddy someone is texting you [landline phone rings] 3yo: what is that sound?"

"Dumb joke I thought of while bored at work. Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict? You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines."

"What do you call a black Sasquatch? ...Nigfoot"

"There was a spider in my bathroom so I threw the cat at it. The spider is dead but the cat's pretty pissed"