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Joke of the Day

"Learning-disabled lions are called leotards, right? Anyway, when dancers ask you to drop off old ones for needy kids, DON'T! So much blood."

"My wife and I have an ongoing game called ""Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House"" that she doesn't know we are playing"

"got a fake ID w a picture of shrek on it. works everytime. bought ten shrek dvds w it just this morning. lady at the counter didnt say SHIT"

"Why wasn't the Canadian scared at the movie theater? He knew Nunavut was real."

"Probably just one for the Irish but who knows.. What's the difference between an apple and an orange? You can't get an apple bastard."

"I get high before I get my Drivers License pic taken. That way I look normal if I'm pulled over."

"[wakes up & turns to wife] ""I had a nightmare. You died."" ""Aw. It was just a-"" ""Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."""

"Today I learned my laser pointer can go all the way to the bar across the street. Drunk people still think there's a sniper somewhere."

"Before she died... Bully: *poking and pushing me into lockers* Me: You suck I hate you! Bully: That's what my mom said before she died... Me: ...oh"

"Maybe someone just charmed the pants off of Winnie the Pooh."