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Joke of the Day

"Learning-disabled lions are called leotards, right? Anyway, when dancers ask you to drop off old ones for needy kids, DON'T! So much blood."

"My favorite game with the kids is one where I play dead until they go around to their dad's side of the bed and wake him up."

"I Have a Joke About the Palestinian Refugee Crisis... ... But Israeli Bad."

"The opposite of SpongeBob SquarePants is TowelWeave CircleShorts"

"How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"My friend was being attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him but it only made things worse."

"""there's nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars"" Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too."

"Jokes about German Sausages are the wurst..."

"Why do orphans go to church? It's the only place they can call someone ""father""."

"What gets larger every time I see my Girlfriend? My credit card bill."