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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I have an ongoing game called ""Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House"" that she doesn't know we are playing"

"What's the difference between Swine flu and Avian flu? It's what the doctor does to heal you. For one you need 'oinkment', and for the other you need 'tweatment'. **rimshot**"

"What do your mother and a marathon have in common? They are both doable as long as you don't mind following a bunch of black guys."

"Why hasn't there been a woman on the moon yet? it doesn't need cleaned."

"I got a job as a stand up with a comic sans resume, but i lost my CV Now im a comic sans resume"

"Why do black people play basketball? Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal."

"[Being kidnapped] Me: i can feel it.. Stockholm syndrome kidnapper: its been 10 minutes me: should we invite your brother to the wedding?"

"The last chapter of every book should just be all the characters acting completely terrified because their world is about to end."

"Whats the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period. You get your palm red for free."

"Bella is the most misunderstood girl in fiction. She games Edward for immortality, starts a vampire war&secures a wolf servant for her baby."