229924

Joke of the Day

"Man, all the girls I saw today were so hot ...because it was 90 degrees out."

"If you were transported right now to Mars you should be able to jump 62.5% higher... [anti-joke] But you can't because you would be dead. No spacesuit = not alive."

"What do you call an alligator detective wearing a waistcoat? An investigator."

"What is the difference between a pizza and a black guy? A pizza can feed a family of four!"

"Of course this milk is fresh, I just saw it breakdancing in the back of the refrigerator."

"It's crazy. One minute you're getting drunk as a skunk, then next thing you know, you're in the back of an ambulance. I really shouldn't be a paramedic."

"Thor. He follows the same naming conventions as macho men with their dogs. Thor means thunder. But also the literal translation of Mjolnir is ""crusher""."

"new boss: mind sharing an office? me: no NB: Good [points to room filled w/wolves] bc we finally contained them please keep the door closed"

"Snail Racing My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish"

"What's the best part about a hooker dying on you? The second hour's free."