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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying my ex wasn't pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture."

"Who was the fattest Pharaoh of ancient Egypt? Hippo-Ptolemy"

"She said ""you look like trouble""...so I nudged her down the stairs, because I don't like people falling short of their expectations."

"Have you heard the one about the late pizza guy? Just gotta work on the delivery."

"Inception (2010) - Five men and one woman plot to nap on a plane."

"I'm glad you all tweeted mean stuff at me because I've changed my mind. On everything! Congrats! You did it!"

"Hitting the snooze button... ... Is just starting your day off with a nap."

"Someone told me I am bad at driving I told them that if they didn't like my driving, they should get off the sidewalk."

"Guys are probably not very good at Yoga, mainly because every move for them would be called "" The uncomfortable Sausage"""

"Mum: How come your friend ______ hasn't been around lately? Me: Because he turned into a cunt."