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Joke of the Day
"Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar? Because they're easier to get at the ballpark."
Next Joke
"If steroids are illegal for athletes, then Photoshop should be illegal for models"
"The blonde tip-toed near the medicine cabinet so that she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. This is not a joke, ambien serious!"
"[walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids."
"Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists... They did unspeakable things to me."
"What did the dead blues musician sing? ""Didn't wake up this morning..."""
"Did you hear about the soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas? he's now a seasoned veteran"
"When Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive Spiderman, he became... Spidermanman."
"I masturbated in the shower... I just wanted to come clean. Came up with this earlier, I guess it could've been relevant in /r/showerthoughts"
"Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched. Both their phones must've been stolen."