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Joke of the Day
"me: hi sloth: HELL!!!! me: ..umm [walks away] sloth: ..oh :("
Next Joke
"Me: Anything you can do I can do better, I CAN DO ANYTHING BETTER THAN YOU! Mom: Why are you yelling at the dog?"
"Why should you slow down to let another car move into your lane? good karma."
"*in bed* Him: what's your fantasy, baby? Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittles instead of gold Him: No, like sexual Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittl-"
"What did the Hawaiian terrorists say when they blew up a restaurant? ALOHA SNACKBAR"
"""As a side dish to your burrito would you like all the things that are inside the burrito, again?"" - Mexican restaurants"
"What was the Russian mohel's name? Borris Kutchyakockoff"
"""Does my uniform make me look fat?"" -Insecurity guard"
"If you couldn't tell, I am into fitness. Fitness whole slice of pizza into my mouth!"
"I share an office thermostat with a middle aged woman. I'm in a t-shirt while she's rubbing 2 pencils together trying to start a trash fire"