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Joke of the Day

"Lobsters gonna lobst."

"During the Oscars ""In Memoriam"" my dad pointed out a lot of Jewish people had died, I told him it isn't surprising, they do tend to die all at once like that."

"What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player? A tattoo."

"Dear car commercials, You probably don't mean to scare me but ""German engineering"" is also why I don't have so many cousins today."

"I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my phone so you can shut the hell up about your ""scary"" battle at Normandy, grandpa."

"A cheesemaker is hard-strapped for cash... He decided to get a Provolone."

"I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house."

"Watson walks into room and sees Sherlock having sex. He inquires is she in high school. Sherlock replies.. Elementary! My dear Watson"

"Funerals are like family reunions minus one"

"Absentmindedness SHE""I consider, John, that sheep are the stupidest creatures living."" HE(absent-mindedly)""Yes, my lamb."""