229760

Joke of the Day

"Church is so annoying.. Your either on your knees or standing up. I wish the priest would just find a position to fuck me."

"The difference between polygamy and monogamy. Polygamy is having too many wives, but monogamy is having one wife too many."

"How many republicans does it take so screw in a light bulb? None, Obama's already screwed it for you. (Thanks, Obama)"

"*opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]"

"Some days, my only goal that seems attainable is dying in a way so spectacular they name a new piece of protective legislation after me."

"As I've been teaching myself how to use GIS again, I've been listening to a lot of Eminem. And I'm beginning to feel just like a map god, map god."

"My girlfriends 2 year old nephew loves trucks. His first word was truck. He points at every truck he sees and talks about trucks in his sleep. I guess you could day he's semi crazy"

"(in a rowboat with 6 starving people) ""I think you mean ""WHOM should we eat first"""

"What goes clop clop, clop clop, Bang! Bang! Clop clop... An Amish drive-by shooting."

"What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments? A metal band"