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Joke of the Day

"Some days, my only goal that seems attainable is dying in a way so spectacular they name a new piece of protective legislation after me."

"Q: Why are all black people fast? A: Because the slow ones are in jail."

"[Spelling bee] Judge: ""Your word is unhelpful."" Kid: ""Can you use it in a sentence please?"" Judge: ""Nope."""

"What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch? Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals."

"Mexican magician A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, ""uno, dos..."" *poof*... He disappered without a tres."

"If emotional scars were visible, strip clubs would go out of business very quickly."

"I belched chickpeas in front of the Queen... She gave me a post-houmous pardon."

"Alien joke. I feel sorry for the aliens....that live in the third world country."

"You guys hear about that new broom that came out? It's sweeping the nation!"

"Why was the man so down in the mouth? Because he ate his pillow."