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Joke of the Day

"When I get on facebook I get excited when I see the red numbers over the globe thing until I open it and find it is for a stupid game request."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, feminists can't change anything."

"Ab Muscles: You're having ANOTHER cookie? Brain: Yep! Ab Muscles: You're just never planning on seeing us again? Brain: Nope!"

"Why do riot police like to get to work early? To beat the crowd."

"You shouldn't be friends with a fence, because... ...They hold you back."

"You can get a tiny tablecloth for a DOLLHOUSE from Pottery Barn for $18.99, or I could just come over and punch you in the face for free?"

"I'm pretty sure that if Walt Disney watched Disney Channel today, he would cry."

"What do you call a parody when the actors are unaware it's satire? Politics."

"I am not afraid to stand up to my wife when she is not looking."

"Q: What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action? A: An inj-oink-tion."