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Joke of the Day

"Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone... What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?"

"Indian restaurant I was at an Indian restaurant last night when the waiter came over and said,""Curry ok sir""? I said 'ok one song then fuck off.'."

"Didn't think these orthopedic shoes would work, but I stand corrected."

"In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name? Pat MiGroin. Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen."

"It's claimed Macaulay Culkin's health problems are linked to a difficult childhood. No sh1t. His parents forgot to take him on holiday 4 times"

"What did Watson tell his friend when he was constipated? No shit Sherlock..."

"If I ever noticed you waving frantically from inside a burning building I would totally wave back because I'm polite."

"What did the vampire say to the teacher? See ya next period."

"What do you call 6.022 x 10^23 avocados? A guacamole."

"Did you hear about the new Marty McFly movie... ...Where he travels back in time to become a florist? It's called Back to the Fuschia."