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Joke of the Day

"In an alternate universe, humans with an extra cromossome are gods, each responsible for a physical property. It has been this way since the Down of time."

"Today I spanked the wrong woman at BDSM party Oops, wrong sub"

"What do you call an overweight homosexual? Jigglypuff."

"Where there's a will... There's a relative."

"Currently using my daughter's iTouch to read your tweets. Also, reading her emails and writing shit on her Facebook page."

"8 year old daughter: I wish I had been born a twin Me: You were a very hungry fetus- Wife: Ok that's enough time with Dad for today"

"What is something all Hispanic people write in college? An ese."

"I watched a gang bang video involving several bus drivers and one woman. She looked bored for half an hour, then suddenly they all came at the same time."

"What did justin beiber say to his mom? I FOUND MY MICROSCOPE, now all I need is my lotion and tweezers"

"[Crime scene] Detective: the victim was high af when he died.. you could say it was *takes off sunglasses* D: blunt force trauma"