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Joke of the Day

"What did justin beiber say to his mom? I FOUND MY MICROSCOPE, now all I need is my lotion and tweezers"

"After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN."

"*Breaking news* The inventor of the anagram has died may he 'erect a penis'."

"It's hard to find a good woman . * Smart * Sexy * Single * Sane Pick three"

"I lied and told someone, ""I can't go to your party I have diarrhea."" I actually do have diarrhea but historically that hasn't stopped me"

"One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book."

"If you hold a gift card close enough to your ear you can hear the person who bought it saying, ""this'll do"""

"I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu."

"So i was sitting on the toilet today... Nah it's a shit joke, nevermind"

"See above is an understatement."