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Joke of the Day

"[funeral] ME: I never know what to say at these things. WIDOW: sorry for your loss. ME: it's ok, I'm sure I'll think of something."

"A saying of love. If you love her, let her go. If she returns, anal."

"What does the Pillsbury Dough boy hide under his apron? Dough nuts!"

"NSFW How do you know when a girl is too young for you? When you have to make airplane noises to get your cock in her mouth. Source: Jimmy Carr"

"According to my Nike fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week."

"What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Wa-TA"

"Ladies, don't be fooled. Sometimes, your knight in shining armor, is just a retard in tin foil."

"What's the hard part about breaking up with a Japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice so they get the message"

"Why does the homeless man only drink coffee? He had no proper tea.."

"What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."