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Joke of the Day

"I have a huge gash in my forehead. I'm going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed."

"Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she'll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you."

"""U put on suntan lotion?"" ""No"" ""Youll get sunburned!"" *sun descends, his voice echoes loudly* ""NICE BICEPS BRO, UR LIL SISTER LOAN EM TO U?"""

"How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations."

"A strong person stands up for himself. A stronger person stands up for himself while bench pressing another person standing up for himself."

"My therapist says I'm narcissistic. How can someone who's perfect be narcissistic?"

"What do you call it when a shepherd can't find his ram? Memory loss."

"Sorry I ate your frisbee bro, I thought it was a tortilla, I like to eat tortillas I find at the park."

"Why is golf better than sex? It lasts for hours and they are 18 different holes."

"China's stock market is down again We should have seen it coming. The red flags were everywhere."