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Joke of the Day

"How many illegals will it take to build Trump's wall? Too many to document."

"I just fake-went-to-the-bathroom to avoid someone. He followed me in. I don't think the pee noises I'm making with my mouth are working."

"""Daddy, I-"" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: ""HOW MUCH DID-"" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider"

"Why doesn't Hitler run a marathon? Because he can't finish a race."

"Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer? He liked wearing scarves before it got cool."

"Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one........ Break their bones, they have 206."

"fun prank: replace sugar packets at restaurants with cocaine"

"I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day."

"The reason i am nervous around women. I showed my first love to a girl, in the forest, but she ran away before i was done digging."

"How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room."