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Joke of the Day

"Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown."

"You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a glass of water. If it sinks: girl ant If it floats: boy ant"

"When someone asks you if you've met their kids... ... it turns out that the proper reply is NOT ""Yes, heheh."""

"So what if I don't know what ""apocalypse"" means. It's not like it's the end of the world"

"What's black and white and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her head."

"Einstein discovered three things slow time 1. Speed 2. Gravity 3. My Wife"

"What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A bellybutton!"

"""can i smoke in here?"" ""sure go ahead sir"" ""thanks"" *lights scented candle* ""can i scatter rose petals in here?"" ""erm- ""can i dim the lights"

"Wife: how much did it cost to rent that bouncy castle? Me: I dunno. Buying it wasn't cheap tho"

"Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU? Because there is no Turkey"