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Joke of the Day

"For 30 minutes after my first cup if coffee I love everybody. If I could bottle that feeling we could fix the world."

"what did the cloud say to the atmosphere? what the hail was that?!"

"GARY: ""You wanna?"" BARRY: ""Ugh. Jesus OK."" (Siamese twins deciding to masturbate)"

"What do you call a chicken without feathers? Dinner!"

"Women have eggs and milk in them... And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen."

"Sometimes I wonder if my wife ever heard me call her a dumb bitch. I think about it every day since she died from cancer. I never got to say it to her face."

"Why did the man cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken."

"my parents did a terrible job of distributing my skill points"

"""..,you will die in seven days"" *creepy voice on the phone* Me; ""new phone, who dis?"""

"I warn you not to mess with me! I know Karate, Judo, Aikido, Jiujitsu and 22 other japanese words."