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Joke of the Day

"My gf said ""tie me up and do what you want"" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar"

"Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together? A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!"

"My parents wanted to name me Odysseus because I, too, broke through the Trojan wall."

"You can eat up to three spiders every night in your sleep, except on ""cheat days"" when you can eat as many as you like."

"What's the slowest boat? A snail boat"

"If my son's science project is to see how annoying he can be before I kill him then he's almost done."

"Dad jokes are real.... What do you call a Cow with no legs? ""Ground Beef"""

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? because they're ugly and they stink."

"You say potato, I say get the hell out of my bathroom"

"The reason I like Twitter is because the ladies on here LIKE being followed. Unlike like little miss restraining order down the street."