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Joke of the Day

"When my father won't stop telling bad jokes... ... the puns go on Dad Nauseum!"

"I cut so much rug... ...that I had to open a PLPD policy on my feet."

"WIFE: get down here! ME: *from telephone wire* I'm with my friends WIFE: why are u wearing fake wings? ME: *to bird next to me* they're real"

"Mecca should turn into a transformer in the next transformer movie They'll name it Meccatron"

"""Stop texting me. If I wanted to go on the second date, I wouldn't have stolen all your jewelry."""

"In titanic Jack could of lived..... But Rose just like taking more wood than she should"

"What does Taylor Swift say when going down a slide? Weeeeeeeeeee, are never never never, getting back together."

"Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing."

"[me holding a door] PRETTY GIRL: [over her shoulder] thanks. ME: sorry, i'm married, but in time you'll get over me."

"A Call of Duty player goes to Town... ... on your mom. Xx420MLGNoScopexX"