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Joke of the Day

"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired"" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME"

"Kidnapped ! by Caesar Quick"

"My sleeping pills say to take them and immediately go to bed, but I feel like I have plenty of time, so km ufmcmszbv ishzn hdu flerf."

"Have you heard that duct tape can be used as an aphrodisiac? It turns ""NO! NO! NO!"" into ""MMM! MMM! MMM!"""

"Why can not Stevie Wonder read? Because he's black."

"Two Irishman walk out of a pub. It could happen."

"I like my women like I like my wine Red and full of alcohol."

"What's with these people who take a sip of their coffee as soon as they get it? Who are these iron-mouthed warriors?"

"""The actor who plays the villain in No Country For old Men was causing trouble in my bar last night."" ""Javier Bardem?"" ""No, but I will if he does it again."""

"Horrible one liner I'm trying to come up with a one liner. Shit."