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Joke of the Day

"So he says, ""Argh! Give me yer booties!"" & he steals all the baby booties. ... There's an audience for Baby Blackbeard & I'LL FIND IT."

"After I dislodged my head from the drywall, I had 2 thoughts: 1) Wow, this new Metallica song is really good and 2) I may need new drywall"

"Twitter provides the technology for my thoughts to be ignored by far more people than ever before."

"Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie."

"Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute"

"Its funny how chocolate can make your clothes shrink"

"Pancake day has really crepe'd up on me this year."

"If gas prices keep going up I'm cutting off the bottom of my car and I'm ""Flintstoning"" That mf!"

"Baseball is my favorite sport, because you can play it on a professional level with food in your mouth."

"I'd like to say something nice about you as it's your birthday. Why don't you? Because I can't think of a single thing to say!"