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Joke of the Day

"What's an Irish seven-course meal? A six-pack and a potato"

"I wish boxing was like wrestling so when the ref was distracted Manny Pacquiao would run in & hit Floyd Mayweather with a Stone Cold Stunner"

"Ready for battle, I taunted Monday and spit in its face, but when I woke up from my drunken haze, I realized I'd been yelling at Sunday."

"""No no no!"" said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. ""I cannot see you today!"" ""That's fine"" said the salesman ""I'm selling spectacles."""

"What does 007 wear on his head? A Bondana."

"Opening a gym... Gonna focus on power walking & door knocking. I'll call it ""Jehovah's Fitness"""

"Glad marijuana is being legalized. It sure helps coping with the election results."

"[pharmacy] ""Can I help you?"" Yeah, could you recommend anything over the counter for this? *lifts shirt to reveal 7 fresh gunshot wounds*"

"Elephant 911: What's ur em- Elephant: MOUSE Elephant 911: WHERE Elephant: FLOOR Elephant 911: JUMP ON THE TABLE [table breaking noises]"

"How does someone pay for a painting? With Monet"