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Joke of the Day

"[pharmacy] ""Can I help you?"" Yeah, could you recommend anything over the counter for this? *lifts shirt to reveal 7 fresh gunshot wounds*"

"Why did the boy put candles on the toilet? He wanted to have a birthday potty!"

"I'd like to execute g0d. But how can you execute vacuum."

"Danke for calling Germany. To order beer, press 1. To order weapons, press 2. To order philosophy, press 1 until it resembles a 2."

"What's the difference in a dog, some meat, and a blow job? You can beat your dog, you can beat your meat, but you can't beat a blow job."

"I Like My Coffe Like I Like My Slaves Free"

"Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story."

"How does every racist joke start? *glances to the left, glances to the right."

"Words can not even begin to describe your beauty and how much I need to borrow your car."

"""Dad"" said Fred to his father who was a bank robber. ""I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."" ""OK son"" said his dad ""I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."""