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Joke of the Day

"""Oh great! Just great!"" --guy showing up to the beach with a bunch of sand"

"What did the number do when it divided from its companion? Changed its status from 'In A Relationship' to 'Single'."

"Why did Trump go to space? Because hot air rises"

"Warning: objects in your rear may feel larger than they they appear."

"They say video games make u violent, but hundreds of years ago we burned people alive for being witches so probably humans are just garbage"

"*she leans in close* 'kyle, what's your wildest fantasy?' *i close my eyes and imagine opening a 10pc chicken nugget and finding 11 pieces*"

"[high school reunion] Amanda: wow, you haven't changed a bit me: [covered in acne and wearing faded Pokemon shirt]: yeah I know"

"They'll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it's a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot"

"I don't trust trees... They're a little shady... And they killed my dog."

"I just successfully robbed a bank! Now what to do with all this sperm..."