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Joke of the Day

"What's worse than being stuck in traffic behind a driver that's vaping? Realizing that your being intently watched for your reaction to their sic clouds - BEST RECOGNIZE!"

"I still don't understand why we are supposed to eat the tampon afterwards"

"How to avoid clickbait? clearly, you wouldn't know..."

"If your boyfriend is ever about to break up with you, yell ""what about the baby!"" You'll be in a relationship for at least another 5 minutes"

"""Rapunzel! Let down your hair!"" RAPUNZEL: Hey hair, ya wanna go get ice cream? HAIR: Yeah! RAPUNZEL: Well too bad. Because we're not."

"My neighbours are getting really stressed out because I keep indulging my window fetish. I feel their pane."

"What did a cell say to his sister cell, when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!"

"So I was on tindr today and someone offered me a $125/hr ""girlfriend experience"" So she expects me to pay her 125 an hour to argue with me in the middle of an Applebee's!?"

"So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane... but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra."

"""Your resume has MPGMA listed under hobbies. What exactly is that?"" Making people guess the meaning of acronyms."