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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a stoat and a weasel? One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatally different"

"When I bend down to feed the cat she leaps onto my back.When I try to stand back up it's the saddest tiny rodeo you've ever seen."

"""Your finest Scotch, please."" ""Yes, sir,"" the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape."

"Marriage is like a pack of cards... Marriage is like a pack of cards: all you need at the start are two hearts and a diamond, but you end up wishing you had a club and a spade..."

"If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me."

"There's nothing horribler than a word that isn't real."

"Customer asking Bin Laden in Bar ( i need /u/yourjokeexplainedhere Customer: ""I'll have a Bin Laden, please."" Barman: ""Sir, what is dat?"" Customer: ""Two shots and a splash of water."""

"What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny Farts"

"For eggplant your guests will love, lightly brush with olive oil, toss in the air and blast that bad boy with your ankle piece."

"Whats a rednecks favorite thing to do on Halloween? Pump Kin"