181994

Joke of the Day

"""Your resume has MPGMA listed under hobbies. What exactly is that?"" Making people guess the meaning of acronyms."

"I'm going to start a band called Control Z We will play our songs, but start over half way through it."

"Grad school is my excuse for everything. No text back? Grad school. Havent called in weeks? Grad school. I ate your last donut? Grad school!"

"Went to my daughters netball match this weekend What a semi"

"This one time in High School I ate an entire roll of quarters Shit was so cash"

"Why was the man arrested at the farmers' market? He was caught taking a leek."

"Trumps plan for the wall works. Look at China. They built a fucking wall and you don't see any Mexicans there. Edit: spelling"

"I hate double-standards; when my girlfriend puts on a pair of puppy-dog eyes, it's ""cute"", but when I do it... Everyone is just ""Oh god Mercury what the fuck did you do that puppy?!"""

"What's the stupidest, most useless comment that can still earn you some karma? This"

"*brings bucket of fried chicken in meeting* *meeting starts* *I eat each piece, crunching, licking my fingers* *touches all the paper work*"