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Joke of the Day

"Saw my neighbour scrubbing some graffiti saying 'paedo' off his door this morning... I said ""What's been going on mate?"" He said ""Fucking kids!"""

"Whenever you find four Priests... you'll find a Fifth."

"What animal lives on the farm and says ""moo""? A bilingual chicken"

"Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?"

"""Daddy, I-"" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: ""HOW MUCH DID-"" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider"

"Why are the cops in Ferguson Steelers fans? Bullet train!"

"My sex life is like Blackjack... I always hit on 16."

"I caught my son wiping his boogers on the couch which is gross because I don't want our boogers mixing."

"Am I in a safe neighborhood? I only see 2 stores that exclusively sell lacrosse equipment."

"Why do Norwegians drive Chevys? They're afraid of drowning in a Fjord."