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Joke of the Day

"The minus sign tried to explain to the plus sign how multiplication works, ... ... but he only understood sum of it."

"What do you call the style of facial hair native americans grow. A-Patch-ey Its all i got"

"What does an alcoholic do when he is out of beer? Wine"

"""Good parenting isn't giving your kid everything she needs, but giving her the tools to get it for herself"" I say, handing my 6yo a crossbow"

"When I say I go to the gym religiously, that usually means every christmas and easter."

"What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!"

"I've assembled a list of all the jokes feminists find funny:"

"did you know that the bible doesn't actually contain any references to hell? or heaven? or christ?? it just a bunch of names & phone numbers"

"My last relationship was so bad, it featured Pitbull."

"5: Can you cut off the skin? Me: What? 5: *holds up sandwich* the skin M: The crust? 5: yeah M: No, and you sound like a serial killer."