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Joke of the Day

"Cupping? Isn't that what tween girls do to fatten their lips? #olympics2016"

"I have swagger. At least, that's what my deodorant says."

"Hogwart's basketball team is the worst in all the wizarding world They could only score 9 in 3 quarters."

"A conversation with my 7 year old brother. ""Look at all of these beautiful horse"" ""Horses"" ""Horse is already plural, isn't it?"" ""You're thinking of elk"" ""Holy mooses, you're right"""

"The word ""Diputseromneve"" may look ridiculous, but backward it's even more stupid..."

"""You know who else loved carbs? Hitler."" - excerpt from my book How To Diet Through Shame & Manipulation"

"[Food Network: Cake Wars] As the team barely delivers their massive cake to the judges table. Cat Judge pushes it off the table"

"""I'd like one personal pizza please"" Pizza: Your life's a mess. You should lose 10 pounds. Call your mother. ""Whoa maybe not that personal"""

"Why did the chicken cross the road? He was trying to draw the zoophile into traffic. Thanks /u/LFBR for the premise."

"It's okay to laugh at cancer, you'll probably get it."