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Joke of the Day

"""You know who else loved carbs? Hitler."" - excerpt from my book How To Diet Through Shame & Manipulation"

"[at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* ""No...why do you ask?"""

"New theory: It's Raining Men and Let The Bodies Hit The Floor are both accounts of the same event but from wildly different perspectives."

"E-incense to mask e-joint e-odor."

"Keep your friend's clothes in your enemy's toaster."

"If I say I love you, don't read too much into it. I just told this cheesecake that I love it, too."

"I made up a new word plagiarism"

"3 Old Women and a Flasher Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man comes by and flashes them. Two of them have a stroke, and the third one couldn't reach."

"My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?"

"I tried phone sex for the first time the other day... Didn't really like it though, the phone was too cold."