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Joke of the Day

"Please pray for my friends' 4-year-old. They found out today 7 minutes of his life wasn't photographed or videotaped and put on Facebook."

"I doubt vodka has all the answers But it's worth a shot."

"I think horoscopes are absolute tosh. But you know me, typical Virgo."

"What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon? ""Can someone get me some dry socks?"""

"No coffee in the pantry this morning so I had to go outside and show my dick to a cop to get the old motor running."

"You find my yoga pants distracting... ...would you like me to take them off?"

"How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well I'm not just going to tell you. You need to figure it out yourself."

"Donald Trump has begun work building a wall between the U.S. and Mexico. It's called the wetback setback."

"What's the difference... What's the difference between Missionary Baptists and Baptists? Position"

"Twenty years ago my mother almost aborted my brother. Yesterday he died in a fight with a cloakroom attendant. The coathanger still got him in the end."