195079

Joke of the Day

"Twenty years ago my mother almost aborted my brother. Yesterday he died in a fight with a cloakroom attendant. The coathanger still got him in the end."

"What do clouds want to be when they grow up? -Thunderstorms"

"""You're going to leave me for someone younger,"" my wife explained. ""That's not right,"" I assured her. ""They could be older too."""

"Why are most demolitions experts happy? They get the best blow jobs in town."

"Word of the day Exhaustipated...........Just too tired to give a sh!t"

"My compass I have a compass, but instead of North, South, etc, it just points to Orc's, so when people ask me for directions, it's always orcward."

"I used to always ask my mom for things & she'd say ""what's the magic word"" and I'd say ""abracadabra"" and she'd say ""you're why dad left."""

"I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles this morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop."

"What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can go to the store without Robin."

"[studying beached whale] its a new species bill think of a name ok um *surfer walks by* yo killer whale dude *biologists look at each other*"