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Joke of the Day

"Current life status - By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side."

"Cop lights should be called sex lights because every time you see them someone is getting fucked"

"what do you call a comedian who also happens to be a skeleton funny bones"

"We've got an aviary at home, Sadly one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music. Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark"

"70% of the Earth's surface is water. The other 30% is covered in advertisements for The Blacklist."

"Why did the book join the police? He wanted to work undercover."

"I went for a walk in a cemetery this morning and saw a man crouching behind a tombstone. I said ""morning"" He replied ""no, just taking a shit."""

"Pots and pans set: $70. Wrapping paper: $5. Tape: $3. Watching your mother unbox and attempt to wrap said pots and pans: priceless."

"""You can't have your cake and eat it too"" People that don't know how cake works."

"TIL the word ""Muppet"" is a combination of ""marionette"" and ""puppet"". It's like how the word ""mobster"" is a combination of ""man"" and ""lobster""."