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Joke of the Day
"what do you call a comedian who also happens to be a skeleton funny bones"
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"(McDonald's bathroom) *pulls away from kissing* You're better than my mirror at home"
"What do you call a snobby criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending"
"Why did the stutterer get shot in the ghetto? He was asking for directions for the ""k-k-k-mart."""
"*buying a dog* Is this a good dog? ""Oh yeah, very good dog."" Do any tricks? ""No, I'm clean, selling dogs now."""
"Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments; at once."
"My suspicious mole cancelled my appointment with a dermatologist."
"What's the best part about having sex with ninety-nine year olds? There's ninety of 'em."
"The songs that make me feel coolest when I'm driving fast are generally the songs that make me feel dumbest at stop lights."
"[wife crosses out another baby name off the list] What? What's wrong with Carlos Danger Grenades?"