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Joke of the Day

"[dog park] Go get it, boy! *dog returns with silver watch, silver bracelet & silver necklace* Ugh, you're the worst golden retriever ever"

"Bro lets study on air plane why air plane For a higher education"

"Did you hear about a reddit user creating a new website? He wanted the name to remind him of the time when 4chan users went to 8chan. So in light of the circumstances he named it regreddit.com"

"Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you."

"To the 4 people today who tried to prank me and failed, eat it jerks. To the 13 who succeeded, guys can u pls delete the photos of me crying"

"I see the joke your dad told you, and raise you my dads dumb ass joke What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar fifty, deer nuts are under a buck!"

"I don't have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow"

"My friend told me Kanye West was the next John Lennon I replied ""Then I'll be the next Mark David Chapman"""

"How do you endanger the fly species? Slap an African child."

"[after lover's spat] ME: Honey. Lamb chop. Sweetie cakes. HER: You're just naming foods. ME: Pumpkin. Muffin. HER: ... ME: Zucchini bread."