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Joke of the Day

"You know how dolphins rape a lot? They do it on porpoise."

"Why did the old lady stand in front of three rows of traffic? Cause she was a cunt. (Courtesy of my little brother.)"

"Clean - What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park your car man :) - Classic!"

"There's two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says You man the guns, I'll drive'"

"Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A: She opens the car door."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it."

"What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat? Thistle have to do!"

"MOM DON'T COME IN!! *mom opens door & you're playing with pokemon, except they're real* HOW MUCH OF THE TRUTH ARE YOU READY TO HEAR MOM"

"I like to confuse my husband. So I smiled at him this morning."

"What do you call it when water is poured over a clock? Time dilution."